Managing Reactions Constructively

If the employee becomes defensive or angry:

• Stay calm and centered. Do not match their emotion.
• Listen to what the employee has to say and paraphrase back.
• Ask open-ended questions to seek understanding ("Tell me more?" "How did you reach that conclusion?")
• Avoid power struggles. You may not come to complete agreement.
• Bring discussion and focus back to performance and standards.
• Provide specific examples to support your feedback.
• If the person does not calm, you may need to take a break and resume at a set time.
• Don’t apologize or minimize your feedback. Use the facts to back up your assessment.

If the employee is unresponsive or withdraws:

• Be patient and friendly.
• Show concern.
• Ask open-ended questions.
• Stay silent, and wait for the employee to say something.
• Note that the employee is unresponsive and ask a related question (“I’m wondering what you’re thinking?”).
• Tell the employee that his or her input is important to you.
• Ask if the employee would like time to process the information before discussing (later that day or the next day).
• Let the employee know the process will move forward whether or not they respond.
• Don’t apologize or minimize your feedback. Use the facts to back up your assessment.